Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I Don't Do Math Without A Net

I have a liberal arts degree. I have the actual diploma, beautifully framed and hiding in a closet somewhere. Come visit, bring me a piece of your favorite cake and I'll show it to you.

Liberal arts majors, if you didn't know, are notoriously bad at math. It's why shirts like this exist.

I am no exception to this stereotype. Lacking a mathmatical mind and patient teachers, I made it all the way through college counting on my fingers. God, that's embarrassing to admit.

Grinch, who is quite mathmatically inclined, got so frustrated with my finger counting one day, he swatted my hands down and said, "Stop it! You CAN do this in YOUR HEAD. Do it." So I did. I'm pretty slow and I can't do math in front of a crowd, but I no longer look like I'm doing sign language while I try to figure out the tip for a $34 dinner bill.

So this is a leap for me, but it's important. You need to know this. This is important to the future of all potential iphone owners everywhere. Quite possibly, the future of Apple Computers itself relies on this.

I'm working on the following formula:

X x Y = Z

X equals the number of times you drop your cell phone
And Y equals the number of times your partner SEES you drop your cell phone
Z equals the odds that your partner will buy you an iphone for Christmas and it is ALWAYS a negative number.

It is terribly simple and there are other variables I need to include, like the actual price of an iphone, the amount of time you will spend Twittering on your iphone instead of paying attention to your partner. So I've gotten you off to a good start, internet. Let's get to work on this. (I'm lookin atchoo Eli and Wolfgang.)

4 comments:

ingrid said...

heee. :)

Eli said...

I don't have ANY kind of diploma! Except today, mom found some kind of obviously falsified certificate that claims I finished Junior High.

I think the key here is to understand that "bad" odds are not negative - they are just very small (ie., "one in a million", "three out of seven", etc.).

Also, you forgot to take into account guilt vectors caused by blogging your wishlist to the Internet!

It's hard to distill a formula of this complexity. BUT I WILL TRY.

click here for formula (blogger doesn't like img tags.)

(I added a factor of 3 because it looks better)

I hope this gets us moving in the right direction.

wolfgang said...

Well if Y is 0 then Z would be 0 which does not really make sense, it should probably by X/Y so if he never SEES you dropping it, the odds go up to infinite. Of course then if he sees you 10 times, say, you would have to drop it a 100 times so that the odds become 1 again.
Clearly that does not work either.
On a related note, I have dropped my iPOD about 15 times, literally, on the apt floor, on asphalt, on concrete, and damn it that sucker is still going. Little scratched up maybe but that's manly like. Yep.

Illegal Tree said...

XxY=Z. But you have to subtract Q from Z. Q is the life improving quotient. Such as, Iphones can figure the tip and I will not have to use my fingers and possibly anger the Waitron. Q can be a huge number, if you can beg.